I've written a lot of queries over the last eight years, and all of them failed. I was ready to throw in the towel this year and just self-publish so that I could let go of this story and work on another.
But thanks to #RevPit, #DVPit, and some comments from a friend/reader, I realized that I had been going about my query letter all wrong.
First of all, I was far too close to my story. I knew all of my story's minor details. I knew all of the big picture. But I was so focused on the bigger picture that I forgot the power of my inciting incident and its minor details. My MC is a woman who was stripped of active volition in so many ways that to my friend/reader, my story was a little horrifying. But, of course, the heart of the plot is what the MC goes through to take control of her own body and mind and how she changes on the way. I was so focused on this latter part of the story that I wasn't drawing my reader into the heart of the story: I was basically throwing myself at my reader instead of charming and winning over my reader.
Second, I consequently was missing my MC's stakes. Twitter pitch events are all about stakes. Agents' and editors' advice for these events is basically, "Stakes, stakes, stakes!" Putting your entire manuscript into <280 characters that fully outline the most compelling aspects of your MC's struggle really forces you to think carefully about your manuscript.
Third, always focus your pitches/queries on the inciting incident. The backstory doesn't matter unless it's necessary to understand the inciting incident. My novel starts just after the inciting incident, so I was not worried about my manuscript on this front. My Twitter pitches somehow also did this. However, my query missed the mark entirely. It has been missing the mark FOR YEARS. The knowledge of point one and this point three somehow never worked their way into my query letters. I spent the last day or two reading through Janet Reid's Query Shark blog. Man, if you haven't read all of the archives, you really should. Seeing writers make the same mistakes over and over and over again really makes your own mistakes obvious.
There are a whole lot of other tips that have been helpful to me over the last couple weeks, but really point four is this: drop your pride. These people who are giving us newer writers advice really know what they are talking about. To my own eyes, my pitches, queries, and manuscript drafts have all made sense and seemed good. But they weren't effective because it doesn't matter what I think. Pitches and query letters are not about me. Pitches and query letters are about sharing my story with other people who are not in my head. I can see the importance of every little aspect of my story, but those little aspects are not important when I'm building a new relationship with a reader. Nobody wants to know all your little thoughts and idiosyncrasies when they just meet you (the person). They are just trying to understand you on whatever basic level is most interesting to them. The same is true with pitches and queries. Make the reader see what she needs to see: that your story is interesting to read--not interesting in theory.
Five, write your pitch/query over and over again. Think of every possible angle and try to write a version. When you think it's perfect, try to write it over again. I don't really have an anecdote about this point, but it is just something I've come to realize is necessary. We are writing for others to understand us--not for us to understand ourselves. In her blog, the Query Shark specifies a certain sentence structure and word limit per sentence in order to really hone in on what is necessary (with flair to be added after the core is pounded out). I'm not going to write that info here; go check out the Query Shark blog. Take the Shark's advice and rewrite your pitch. The point is to be effective and attractive to readers.
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